I started drawing at very early age. I might have been 1,5 or 2; I don't recall exactly.
Like so many other children I drew what I saw, what I wanted to see or, on a rare occasion, what scared me.
I submerged in the ocean of my imagination, and it almost felt as if the world beyond the surface of a drawing was real.
The older I was getting, the more complicated and confusing life appeared to be. By the age of 15, I could see a clear line between imagination and reality, being trapped in the former was not satisfying anymore.
I could continue drawing something nonexistent as if it was real but my desperate desire to merge with the outside world made me seek for another way to express myself.
Very soon I had to accept that I might never be able to perceive life like others. I understood that everybody looked at the world through the prism of their perception. It's just that my lens seemed to be slightly dimmer, infused with complex multitones, which made the outside world look scattered and incomplete. I could have looked at it as at an obstacle, but instead, I saw an opportunity.
The fusion of reality, imagination, and uniqueness of my perception formed a new reality, the only reality that I could call my own.
I wished to express that newfound world in my art, but for some time I couldn't figure out how.
One day I took a piece of paper, clueless about what I was going to do. I gazed at its blank surface as if expecting it to tell me something important, to give me answers. Suddenly I noticed thin gray lines emerging. I thought to myself, "why don't I follow them?" And at that moment the inspiration was born.
I felt ecstatic I finally found an ultimate way to express something that seemed inexpressible.
At 1st my works were quite simple. Later they became elaborate and multifarious.
As the time went by I decided to gain a little more control over the creative process. Every time I drew, I focused a subject and, through drawing, processed my feelings and thoughts about it. Later, when I needed answers to a life question, I asked a question and then painted the answer (which was a form of meditation or intuitive pondering about the future.)
A few years ago I started feeling limited by the direction I chose. In addition to that, or maybe even for that reason, the process of following the lines on paper became more overwhelming than satisfying.
I turned to digital art. Experimenting in that field helped me to break the boundaries I had set for myself and discover new ways of self-expression.
After exploring various methods of self-expression, I started wondering if I should choose one to maintain my identity. But I concluded that no matter what path spoke to me at any given moment I would follow its lead and make it mine.
© Liudmila Maksimovskaya "NIKOXXII" 2012-2016. All rights reserved